My guess is that I’m not the only homeschool mom who has this image of perfection in her mind.
It involves being up at least two hours before the children get up. This ideal homeschool mom has her own personal, uninterrupted quiet time, exercises 30-60 minutes, showers, and gets nicely dressed for the day.
When her children greet her, she looks lovely and already has (a nutritious, home cooked) breakfast ready and waiting for her darlings.
Her day has started out well, no doubt carrying over to the rest of her peaceful, well-planned day.
Would you lose all respect for me if I told you that I’m not that image of homeschool mother perfection? Because friends, try as I might, I’ve never been able to make that early morning routine work at this stage of my life.
My Foiled Attempts to be an Early Riser
I’ll be the first to admit that I would love to be up well before my children. In fact, I’ve tried. Many times. And here’s what happens.
First, they find me.
They find me, people! Imagine the utter disappointment when I make the effort to get up early, only to be greeted a half hour later by a little person with some sort of supernatural radar sense that picks up my presence in the kitchen before I’ve made any worthwhile contribution to my day?
Agony. I’m telling you.
Then, and this one is more serious, I have a tendency to get severe headaches if I go for many days without eight hours or so of sleep. I’ve always been like that.
If I could somehow hunt up one supermom power, it might be the ability to go on 6 or 7 hours of sleep. But alas, no cape for me today, and I see nary a thread of one in my future.
And I know that the goal would be to just go to bed early, but I’ve found that to be the only time that I can get work done in uninterrupted silence is after they are all in bed.
If It Isn’t Broke…
So now I’m left wondering if it is really all that bad if a late to bed, late to rise routine works best at this stage of my life. I mean, if it isn’t broke, should I continually try to fix it?
What typically happens is that I go to bed between 11-midnight and am up around 8am, give or take 30 minutes. In my dream world, I’d be in bed at 10pm and up around 6:30am, but it has yet to work well for me.
It did at one time in life, sometime long ago and far away before I entered into the beautiful existence known as motherhood.
And I can’t seem to find any serious detriment to not getting up early right now.
We might eat breakfast a little later. Our schoolwork might get done around 3pm instead of just after lunch. I might have to find creative ways to pray and connect with the Lord throughout my day.
But the children still get fed, the schoolwork and housework still gets done, we still enjoy our day, and we have family worship every morning and evening.
I won’t lie. I still want to get to a place where I’m an early riser again. But if I can’t do it right now, and if this seems to be working for us at this stage of life instead, could it really be that bad?
What do you think? Can staying up later and getting up later work for a certain stage of life?
This post is part of the 31-Day series, An Extended Stay, where I invite you into my heart and into my home through the whole month of October.
You can read more 31-Day series by other bloggers in the Family section of the challenge’s website linked up here.
I just have a question for all you night-owls who make homeschooling work – what about your husbands. Do their jobs require them to be at a typical 9-5 and how do they fit into this equation and how do you care for your marriage in it all?
I SO MUCH appreciate all the solidarity here right now. My body/brain do NOT want to wake up in the morning and the guilt is so deep in my bones for being a night owl. My husband is content to wake up at 4am! I can’t. I have FIVE young children and the energy for my day arrives about 2pm. I get excited and ready to do things. But the whole world functions differently. I need someone to talk to about this for sure!
Hi Jessica! I personally go to bed earlier again now, but I still can’t get up as early as my husband. He’s up by 5am most mornings, and I’m definitely not. I started going to bed earlier because he needs to, though. That helps us have some time together before bed some nights. But there’s no magic formula, especially when there are lots of littles around. Keep talking together and see what kind of routine you can develop.
We’re later to bed, later to rise right now too. My husband doesn’t get home most evenings till after 6 or 7. I get up at 430 am to pack his lunch, than go back to bed til 8 or 9. I’m also 8 months pregnant so it’s hard to sleep sometimes. I still need a nap some afternoons but my husband wants me rested up for the delivery. Right now, I’m happy if we have devotions and get a few chores done.
You’re smart to be content with accomplishing those few things right now, Trisha! The end of pregnancy is exhausting and you really do need your rest for the big D-day. During my first and third trimesters, my kiddos and I have a running joke that I just need to rest for a “few minutes,” which we all know means a solid 90-minute nap. 😉 Keep doing what works for you at this unique stage. There will be plenty of time in years to come to have a more productive schedule.
Wishing you a beautiful, healthy delivery and recovery!
I don’t get up before my kiddos either. And I homeschool. And have a newborn. So no I absolutely refuse to buy into anything that says there’s only one way to nail a morning routine. http://www.leahheffner.com/why-i-dont-get-up-before-my-kids-in-the-morning/
Sounds like we’ve found a similar routine works best for both of our homes!
oh Lordy, you must have a hidden camera set up in my house. I wake up with loads of guilt every day because my children are up before me, sometimes for an hour, every morning! They are older, so they can dress themselves, make breakfast for themselves, and get started on independent school work without me. But I still feel guilty when I stumble into the living room in the morning and they’re totally doing what they’re supposed to be. I tell myself, “I’ll go to bed earlier tonight” or “I’ve got to set an alarm for sure”, but it doesn’t work for me. I should really let go of the guilt. What we are doing, however un-stereotypical, is working apparently. School still gets done. We still eat homemade, nutritious food. We still have family time. I still manage to run a blog. But, it’s just so hard to get past the notion that I *should* be up before them, dressed and ready, and not sleeping til 8:30. Let it go! Let it go!
Ha ha, yes, I think you can let go of your guilt if you family’s system is working for you and you’re all happy with it! 😀 My favorite thing about this post has been all of the other mommas chiming in that this is their life, too. So not ALL the good homeschooling moms are up early every morning!
I find it hard after becoming a mother and I also co slept with all three. Third one currently and having him in bed, while teething. I’m hardly getting any sleep. Actually, I’m laying in bed and it’s almost 8:00 in the morning. My kids are right outside my door in the living room. I have no idea what they are up to other than watching a cartoon their daddy put on before leaving for work. I better go check on them though. Lol
P.S. I Was a morning person before kids even after staying up late. Once on a cruise we were up late but I’d still get up to eat “first breakfast” (continental) on the balcony of our room, enjoying the sunrise.
I was so much more of a morning person before having children, too, Jennifer! I try to remind myself that after they are grown and the breastfeeding stage is all over, I’ll be able to be a morning person again. And a sunrise on a cruise… that sounds lovely!
seriously i could have written this. right down to the “they find me” and the “only time after they are asleep”. seriously, word. i feel SO MUCH GUILT about not “getting it together” and not “being up before the kids” (though at this point its just my son, my daughter usually sleep/nurses next to me and sometimes sleeps after i get up at this point…)
and my son wants me to be up before him too which makes me feel worse. i used to be the kind of person who got up earlier, and i used to have a better routine, and worked on less sleep, but i guess ive lost all that. my fitness isnt as good either. i feel like i run out of time because im losing like 4 hours in the beginning of the day….. sigh.
so im not alone!!
You are SO not alone, Erickajen! One of my very favorite things about this post was hearing from so many other mommas who are finding themselves in the same boat I’m in… struggling to get up early and just not being able to get that routine to work! I still want to get to bed and wake up earlier, but I’m trying to give myself grace with a nighttime nursling in the home. It’s a really unique time!
Be encouraged! Some day both of us will be up early again. 😉
LOVE this! I’ve felt plenty of misplaced guilt over the years because I can’t burn the candle at both ends and that usually means getting up later than I’d like. But as you said, if it isn’t broken, we don’t need to feel guilt and frustration over not being able to “fix” it!
(And my husband has so very sweetly hinted that he’d much rather me sleep in a little rather than try to be “super” mom—-because I usually just end up being grouchy wife & mom.)
Oh yes, Anna, I slip into the grouchy mom and wife roll when I haven’t slept enough, too! My husband has also extended so much grace to me in this area. I’m very thankful for his realistic expectations, because they keep me in check when I feel like I should be doing more or better.
I have absolutely loved hearing from other moms that find they can’t get up very early in the morning. It has been a big help to me, too!
Omg Kristen! I could have totally wrote this post!!! I am so glad u r like this too… Even down to the headaches! However I am not glad for the headaches… U know what I mean! Gets very stressful sometimes, especially if hubby thinks the early thing should be going on! Thanx for the confirmation that I am not completely backwards.
Well, I admit that I still sometimes feel a little backwards in this whole bit, but I have to keep reminding myself to do what works for our family at this stage of life! It’s nice to know that other families find that this works, too. I sometimes feel like an oddball. 😉
I am right here with you! Night owl and get up when my kids wake me. I’d love to get up before them but just not in this season.
Thank you. It is nice to know I am not alone in this world with this hanging over my head! We are missionaries and I am a Homeschool mom and I also worry that I am damaging our daughter because of our schedule. Our normal schedule is: to bed close to midnight (or later), up by 7:00 (or later). Fortunately our daughter sleeps later than us so I can get some things accomplished before we start our school day. My husband prefers the early morning hours (4-5a.m.) to pray and meditate and he often expresses his desires for me to do the same. I, on the other hand, prefer the later hours alone and that is when I am most productive. I have often been told to not compare myself as a mother/teacher to others because that is the beauty of Homeschooling…..you can set your own schedule, one that works for your family! God bless to all those mothers out there with crazy schedules!
I so agree about the beauty of homeschooling! The flexibility to do what works, especially with very young children in the house, is such a blessing!
God bless your efforts on the missions field, Dawn, and thank you for taking the time to read and share!
I am a late to sleep, late riser who homeschools and still does what needs to be done. No I’m not perfect and no one is, the beauty of homeschool is just that home school! Don’t feel bad that you aren’t up with the chickens, enjoy these little people because before long they’ll be gone & we will be left with the questions of did we do enough and we need to be able to say yes I did!
I’ve wanted chickens for a while, but it’s probably good we don’t have them yet. They might be to quick to remind me that I’m not up at 5 or 6am! 😉
So glad this post resonated with you, Regina!
Thank you for this! I homeschool and stay up late and need 9 hours of sleep as well. This has been bothering me lately. We get everything done each day just on a different schedule. This was very encouraging!
You’re welcome, Ann! Honestly, I’ve been so encouraged by other moms who have shared that this schedule works for them right now, too. I’m so glad this was a blessing to you.
I can totally relate! Before marriage, I worked full time. I would get up at 5:45 so I would have time to read my Bible and pray before work. I also tried to get to bed earlier, and I was able to do that since I had control of my own schedule!
Now that I’m a homeschool mom of 5, I’ve never been able to get back to an early-morning routine. I also practiced attachment parenting with all my little ones (my youngest is currently 5), so that played a part in needing a more flexible schedule. The earliest I usually get up these days is 7-7:30, although I keep trying to make it earlier now that I don’t have anyone little sleeping with me! I’m still aiming for 6:00! Maybe one day I’ll get there. 🙂
I’ve said the exact same thing about my schedule, Joy! I don’t have control of it. My time really isn’t my own. I have to keep reminding myself that I can either resent it or work with it. The attachment parenting definitely plays into it, too, but I think it’s worth it.
Thanks for taking the time to share!
This is definitely my struggle! I go to bed thinking, “Yes, I will get up early and make breakfast for my crew, send my hubby off to work and go on with my day, perfectly!” Then I see the clock and it says past midnight, and I think, “Nope. Not happening!” Defeated? Sometimes.
My hubby so wants me to be an early riser, and I usually respect his wishes, but, oh, I so would love to sleep in one day!!
The children are late risers as well. But my hubby fights this as well…something about good life lessons??? LOL.
I strive to be the “perfect” wife, but God is showing me that my sanity is more important for being a mom than perfection. I will never reach perfection, but I can be sane.
Oh those life lessons… 😉
Another friend commenting on Facebook about getting her children up early since it is a good habit. Honestly, I agree, but I just can’t make it work for us right now!
My hubby actually enjoys having the house to himself in the morning, but if he wanted me up with him, I’d probably have to force myself into that early riser role again, too. And then I’d probably need a nap. Ha! 🙂
We have an early riser and a later riser. One who will go to bed easily at night (but struggles with sleeping through the night,) and a 14-year-old who won’t go to bed and stay there and doesn’t finally go to sleep until late. The youngest gets up at the crack of dawn, the older I have to drag out of bed. We end up staying up late because my husband doesn’t get home from work until 7:15pm, and once we have dinner and clean up it is usually 8pm and he tries to have time with the boys. We start getting them ready for bed at 9pm…so it ends up being between 9:30 and 10pm that they usually go to bed (technically – the younger goes to sleep, and the older one reads or messes around in his room.)
Thus, as much as I truly desire to go to bed earlier and get up earlier, which would, in truth, be better for me physically and mentally, we don’t usually get in bed until midnight just because it generally takes that long to get the older one to a place where he will stay in his room so we can have some couple time.
I wish it wasn’t like that, but we’ve never been able to get our kids to bed early (8pm or earlier) like some families. Neither of our children usually sleep more than 8-9 hours, so it has always been a challenge to try and figure out how to get the time we needed as a couple (for each other and for rest) and how to be available to our kids.
So from one late riser to another, you do what you gotta do – if it is working for you, don’t compare yourself to other families. We are not all the same people with the same children. Parenting and homeschooling is not one-size-fits-all. 🙂
We also tend to get the children to bed later many nights! For us, it’s because of being in ministry. We have evening services on both Sunday and Wednesday, and it’s not uncommon that Saturday night or another weeknight has something on the schedule for my husband’s pastoring. It makes those late mornings extra important!
You are so right, there is no one-size-fits-all! Thanks a bunch for sharing!
Loved this! Me too!
Thanks, Jess! It’s good to know we’re not alone. 😉
I don’t home school but totally understand where you’re coming from. I always feel like I need to get up early, start the laundry, make a great breakfast, and be ready to exercise the minute I get the kids off to school. The reality is I stay up late like you and therefore must sleep later. But in order for the kids to get to school on time I must break up my sleep. I get up at 6am (feels like the middle of the night!) and once the kids are all in school I got back to bed for an hour or so. I feel like a slacker when I see all the moms going for power walks. I’ve never been a morning person and I need to accept this about myself.
I don’t think starting your day later is a bad thing. Homeschooling gives you the flexibility to do what works for you and your family. Nothing wrong with that!! 🙂
Great topic, Kristen!
Sarah
Thank you, Sarah!
It sounds like you’ve had to come up with a creative way to make a schedule that works for you, too.
This came up at the last mom’s group and I felt like a second-class mom over it! These ladies were up at least two hours before their children and getting tons of stuff done. I have the same issues you do!! If I’m up, somehow they both know….perhaps the whole cosleeping thing has set me up for that but oh well!! And also, I am not my best without 8-9 hrs of sleep a night. I’ll need a nap if I don’t get that sleep, so I am just rolling with it for this stage of life.
Oh Ashley, I have SO many times felt like a bad mom because of this. And honestly, just because I wrote this doesn’t mean I still won’t feel that from time to time. My guess is that I will.
I do think the attachment parenting plays a big part here. They just know when we’re not there!
It is definitely harder for me to wake up early now that I am a mom!! My kids have that same radar. It seems only natural that if kids have this superpower that enables them to know when mommy is awake that mommy’s would have the operate-on-little-sleep superpower, doesn’t it??
Wouldn’t that be lovely, Laura?!