It’s so hard to believe that if we hadn’t had a miscarriage years ago, a son or daughter would be celebrating a third birthday around now. Like many things in life, my miscarriage feels like it was so long ago, yet also like it was just a few months in my past.
I can’t help but reflect on miscarriage in general and our loss in particular at this time of the year. Miscarriage isn’t something that a woman can just get over or forget.
Miscarriage changes a woman. It leaves a wound and a void that subside, but never entirely go away.
And it often teaches profound lessons that, though painful, linger long after the hurting heart has mended.
When I remember my dark walk through miscarriage, the lessons learned through it are often one of the chief things I think of. Though these lessons don’t cause me to feel thankful for the deep loss I felt, it is comforting to look back and see God’s gracious hand helping me and teaching me through it.
What Did God Teach Me Through Miscarriage?
When I wrote a letter to our baby whom we named Hopeful, I spoke about the lessons the Lord was working in my heart through the devastating loss. Just a month or so after losing our baby, I could already see the instruction of our Heavenly Father.
But now, years down the road, I am even more confident that no hurt in a Christian’s life need be suffered in vain. There is always something to learn and there are opportunities to grow.
Through the pain of miscarriage, I learned that the Lord is gracious enough to often prepare our hearts for a great trial even without us realizing it.
I felt the prayers of friends, family, acquaintances, and strangers and now better understand what it means to hold someone up in prayer. I was held up when I was too weak to stand alone.
I saw that past trials can make us more sensitive to the hurts of others. I received sweet sympathy from my husband’s coworkers, women I had never met, because they knew the pain of miscarriage, too.
I learned that we all are prone to saying the wrong thing to someone who is hurting, though rare is the person who would ever intend to do so. Grace must be given even when our hearts are broken.
Sometimes, when someone can’t relate to a loss, they may forget to care. Even during great sadness, I learned that we can’t let bitterness or resentment take root.
Healing comes differently to different people.
Gifts of comfort are rarely forgotten. I still treasure the yellow prayer shawl that was knit for me by a friend’s church group. When I use it as a blanket for a new baby, I have a sweet sense of peace.
Grief can be overwhelming, but I learned that it cannot last forever. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalm 30:5)
I’m sure there are more. I wouldn’t doubt that the Lord did more in my heart through miscarriage than even I understand now.
I am thankful for His patient instruction and His tender compassion when we are shattered. Truly, He works all things, even sad, dark, hard things, for our good.
Mommy still loves you, Hopeful, and you are not forgotten.